I
am writing this on the fourth day of school. For four days I have been
surrounded by smiling children, enthusiastic teachers, kind families, and a professional
staff that is accepting and inclusive. These first days of school are always an
exciting time. Change and transition can be challenging, but they also offer
opportunity for growth. These first days of school have also been a time of
sadness. As I watch the growth that takes place within the walls of our school,
I am also witnessing bullies marching with torches in an American town. As I
write this, these same bullies are planning more marches where they can attempt
to spread their hate and vitriol.
A
great deal is written about bullying in childhood. The general consensus among
researchers is that bullying is in part driven by children’s developing social
skills, and behavior- and emotion-regulation skills. These skills are very
fluid among young children, with the result being a range of challenging
behaviors, which may include bullying. As children build social and regulatory
skills, challenging behaviors and bullying tend to decline.[1] Much
less, however, is written (and possibly understood) about bullying in adults.
One
would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would
stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Adults
can be bullies, just the same as children. While adults are more likely to use
verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact is that adult
bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another
person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate
victims, and “show them who is boss.”[2]
Because
bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among people that involves a real or
perceived power imbalance, the bully’s goal is to shift that power to
him/herself. In early childhood, this is often seen through conflict in the
classroom. It is difficult to discern between bullying, and typical childhood
frustration or age-appropriate aggression. The indicator we often look for as
educators is repetition. Is the behavior repeated? Is there a target?
As
I look out into the world today I see both of these indicators in the adults
who marched the streets of Charlottesville, in the adults who attempt to get
their way through intimidation and the incitement of fear, in the adults who
raise their children to value hate over kindness, and in the adults who judge
so deeply based on their own skewed perception of what it right.
One
of the most important things we adults can do for young children is to model
the kind of people we would like them to be.[3] The
adults who care for the children at my school pledge to be kind, accepting,
inclusive, loving, and positive role models who reflect the diverse society we
live in. As we move into a new year, my hope is that we will all build each
other up, support each other, and love each other. We must stand united against
hate.
“Whatever has been achieved through
pressure and violence is unstable, unreliable, and incorrect.”
- Janusz Korczak,
Polish-Jewish educator, author, pedagogue, and physician
[1] Snow,
Kyle, Ph.D. Bullying in Early Childhood,
National Association for the Education of Young Children, 10/27/2014.
[2] Adult Bullying. Bullying Statistics:
Anti-Bullying Help, Facts, and More. http://www.bullyingstatistics.org
[3]
Hillman, Carol. Teaching Four-Year-Olds:
A Personal Journey, Exchange Press; Updated & Revised Edition, 2010.
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